The 'Barbie' quote Rhea Perlman delivers in the movie made me reexamine my relationship with my mom

July 14, 2024

As a child of the '90s, I was hungry for the nostalgia kick. Yet I could never predict that this movie — the bubblegum-pink "Barbie" movie — would make me intensely reexamine my relationship with my mother.

But for me, one scene, in particular, had an overwhelming influence. Barbie meets her creator, Ruth Handler, and asks Handler for permission to become human.

"You don't need my permission. I can't control you any more than I could control my own daughter," Handler says. "I named you after her: Barbara. And I always hoped for you, like I hoped for her. We mothers stand still so our daughters can look back to see how far they've come."

When I heard these lines, I couldn't help considering my close relationship with my mother. At several points in my life, including recently, I have felt as though I'm leaving her behind, a bittersweet ache that I can't quite put my finger on.

It speaks to my mother's sacrifice and commitment

My mother has lived an adventurous life. She was born in England and grew up in India, then was sent to a remote British boarding school. She hated school so much that she never attended college. At 18, she became a model, then a makeup artist, and, finally, an alternative healer, living around the world, in Argentina, Italy, and Belgium.

As a teenager, I expressed an interest in poetry, so she signed me up for a writing workshop at the library, bought me countless books on writing, and arranged a meeting with one of her patients who worked at The New York Times. When it came time for me to choose a college, I sensed her yearning for the type of education I was about to receive.

What I have always admired about her is how committed she is always to giving her best. When she starts something, she rarely gives up. She worked hard to get me into a private school. She sent me to sleepaway camp when she sensed I — an only child with few friends — was so bored during the summer. When I was 6, she signed me up for dance lessons, which I always loved, though I ultimately gave dance up because I never practiced and wasn't committed enough. No matter what, I could count on her being present in my life. She volunteered for countless school activities and showed up for every play and performance, beaming up at me on the stage.

When I attended college, I took for granted the chances I was given and all the work she did to ensure I had a good future. Looking back on this, I know I wouldn't be where I am today without her.

Parenting leads to generational divides, but I'm grateful for my mother's choices

The Handler quote also speaks to the complex nature of motherhood. We may disagree with our mother's choices. We may live our own life differently. However, that doesn't make either choice wrong. The movie skips over how Handler's daughter hated that she was the inspiration for the famous doll.

It seems that the film's director, Greta Gerwig, worked this into the movie by including a little rebellion. In the movie, Gloria's daughter, Sasha (played by Ariana Greenblatt), rejects Barbie because she believes the doll represents outdated sexist notions. Yes, this is true; Barbie dolls are too skinny and make us women feel inadequate about our bodies. But also, Barbie showed girls that they could be a doctor, be a president, or even be on an all-female Supreme Court.

I like to think as women and as mothers, we stand in a line looking forward, knowing how much there is behind us that shines in pride and admiration. I feel grateful the "Barbie" movie reminded me of that.

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